June 20, 2018: was thee hardest day, inside of the hardest month of the most complicated year of my life. June 20th was my 3rd attempt at taking my own life, and this time, it was happening. It was 20 days into June and I had been arrested, jailed, without a car, fired from both of my jobs, Lost in ministry, but still serving, clouded in my relationship, but still trying, mentally in pain but still smiling, physically exhausted but still running. So, Here I am, at the highest cliff, feet on the edge, gun in hand and ready to JUMP. I took to social media for one last dramatic exit, then this happened.
Dani: I feel the need to pray for people today, send me your request.
Jalen “I’m loosing this battle! I’m completely drowned! And I have little to no faith,fight, and life inside! I need God to show up or I’m DONE!! 😭😩😩”
Dani: “In Jesus name I command you to LIVE!!! This will not kill you! The devil is a liar! God never required us to have more than the mustard seed of Faith!!! I cover your mind, heart and spirit in the Name of Jesus You shall live and not Die! No weapons formed against you shall prosper in the name of Jesus! I pray and ask God to uncover every plan and scheme of the enemy that has come to blind you to the call on your life! I pray that the blood of Jesus will expose every device of the enemy to try, to get you to quit and give up! I come against every strategic plan of the devil that is trying to get you to go against the will of God for your life! For Jesus came that we may have life and life more abundantly!!!
Dani calls my phone........... I didn’t answer
Dani: “I tried to call you to go into warfare but if I have to type and pray to cover you that’s exactly what I’ll do!”
Jalen Calls Back: And the fight for my life begins!
At this point, I didn’t want to live, but I wasn’t sold on the idea of dieing either , I mean who would decorate my funeral? who would plan by repass? I’m the event planner, thats my job. Who would be mad? who would be happy? who would come to my funeral? was I over reacting? am I crazy? what would syd say? what would tay think? who would Nadia marry? who would clear my phone? who would take my clothes? what if it got better? who am I kidding, I’m broke, and insurmountably in debt. NO! but what if it really did get better? what if I really got better? is it really that bad? hello Jalen, is it? is it? is it? and just like that i’m back. back into reality.
This day I had a lot on my mind, it was the day I cried for the first time sine 2017, it was the day I stayed in bed until the moment my thoughts became louder than my will to live, music couldn’t do it, walks couldn’t do it, food couldn’t do it, and I thought Jesus was so far, that if he did get to me, I would’ve been long gone. and boy was I wrong. Dani prayed for me and reintroduced my spirit man back to the one who gave me life in the first place. this day, I understood the meaning of Isiah 41:13 for I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you. and when I heard that word it was that moment when I placed my. hand in his and did just that, I Chose Life. I gave that day to God and decided to live in very moment and not allow anxiety and fear to have space in my mind. I prayed and repented and let God restore me.
June 21, 2018
“Today I’m Stronger! I feel my Help! Got a call back for an interview and I’m simply believing God! I’m currently on the verge of homelessness but I’m believing God! I have a court case that can go either way tomorrow. But I’m in faith and believing God!! I feel stronger! I’m not as clouded! And I know it’s because of your prayer and prayers yesterday! Out of all my friends/family you were the only person that prayed for me!”
as hard as that day seemed, I look back and realize that is wasn't as bad as I thought. I’m here today December 4, 2018, saying its not easy, and its not always fun, but life is worth every moment. You can know every confession, and recite every scripture, but if you never believe or receive it, you’ll never have it. checking on your strong friends, is something that doesn’t wok, why? because if they were strong they woudln’t need you to check on them. for the truth is, we’re all weak, and need each other, & thats why in Gods strength we’re made perfect. So if you’re in a low place, or feel like this might be your end, remember these things. Gods always with you, You always have a choice, and nobody maters, if you don’t matter to yourself first. Friend, Take the time to get help, talk to someone, and refresh when needed. take that vacation, get that tattoo, but most importantly. PRAY. For prayer is the conversation between you and GOD. it will get better, its already better, but most importantly better is right now. I love you and if you need anything, know that I am here……